In praise of the sausage

I've found that there's very little in this problematic life that can't be solved with the application of sausages and mash. In fact, it's a generational thing - my grandmother (known as 'Nanny', altho thankfully not employed, but related), and I used to eat them straight from the grill off in her kitchen. Sitting on stools with the backdoor open and the fly screen blowing the sunshine in, we'd sit there with a fork-full of sausage each, munching contentedly.

In fact, I put my (mild) sausage obsession down to her. And naturally there's a formative experience involved.

My mother was, in those days, maritally challenged by Sir (known then as 'thatb*stardyourfather' - yes that's right, no spaces, no breathing between the words either) and given to much ranting/crying/having big fits.

We were all standing in the garden, my mother resplendent in 70s fashion - the flares, the cap, the denim shirt - ranting once again about 'thatb*stardyourfather'. Something to do with money as I recall. But being four, it went over my head, and anyway, I'd heard it all before.

Nanny stood there, in a pinny, herself looking like a Victoran throwback (or that's how I recall it). As mum went off towards the house mid-rant, she turned to me and said

'your mother...

your mother, she's got the right a*se ache.'

Now I suspect it occurred to her even as she was uttering this that this wasn't something you should say to a four year old. Especially one as quick as I. And even though I was playing 'Jungle Book' and dressed entirely as Mowgli (orange speedo trunks, a bamboo cane as a spear, barefoot and naked otherwise), my MOST FAVOURITE THING to do at the time, I had a suspicion that what she'd said was wrong. And being manipulative, I might be able to put that to good use.

In her very next breath, she uttered the immortal words 'fancy a sausage?' and the incident was entirely forgotten as we ate sausages off forks and waited for my mother to calm down.

I always remember it fondly when I eat sausages. Firstly because they are wonderful, and secondly because I was easily bribeable with food at a very early age. And that hasn't changed.

Yours with a tummy full of wild boar/apple sausages and cheesy mash,

Lucy